Unexpected Life Lessons I Learned from Divorce

Getting divorced is never part of the plan. Divorce is never easy. Doesn't matter whether it was a mutual decision, the marriage was abusive or the relationship just came to an end. Divorce is hard and it’s much harder when kids are involved. It’s a traumatic experience for everyone. It tears families apart and harms your self-esteem and confidence. 

It's common to experience PTSD and depression when going through a divorce. PTSD is not just for soldiers who survived the war. Anyone can get PTSD because the definition is POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER. We are also soldiers we are also survivors. I experienced this personally when my marriage fell apart. It caused me PTSD, anxiety, and even depression. I had a therapist diagnose me after sharing my life with her and feeling like my world was falling apart. Trauma can be reduced and managed with the right tools and resources. Find help! Get help! Do it for you.

Throughout this journey, I have learned so much. How to have Emunah, and find the journey that's ahead of you with Hashemms help. With all his help I overcame my pain, I learned how to manage my time, how to become a better mother, and to never lose hope because too much light comes from your darkness.

Divorce hurts. Absolutely! It’s like mourning someone who is still alive. The mourning process can be long and no one should tell you how long you should mourn. Sometimes you get no closure. I completely lost myself after my divorce. I lost my recognization of myself, my self-esteem, my safety, confidence, and trust, and I even lost some friends along the way BUT my divorce allowed me to find myself again, the individual I am today.

Initially, I felt so lonely, especially when we had family gatherings, holidays, and events.  I isolated myself. I stayed away from all my loved ones because I was too ashamed. My pride and ego were getting in the way. The judgment, the failure, the I told you so, it was all too much at the time. I didn’t know what to grasp onto, where to start, how to start my life over again so that was the first time I prayed to Hashem, the first time I made a promise to him and myself. I promised Hashem I would start keeping Shabbat but in return, he needed to do something for me. I asked for help. I prayed with all the tears that I had to bring me light back into my life and help me put myself back together and slowly my life started to brighten up. I found happiness with prayer.

Without the pain that I endured, I would not have become the person that I am today. Without these challenges and lessons, I would have never thought about picking up a siddur and davening, learning Parshas, keeping Shabbat, covering my hair, and even listening to lectures. I got stronger for myself and my kids. Little by little my confidence grew.

Now, this was a hard pill for me to swallow 

YOU ARE NOT YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS

Your relationship status does not define who you are.  Your self-worth does not rely on whether you are single, married or divorced. We are not divorced but discovered. Your divorce is an event of the past, not a label that defines who you are. There’s no denying that it hurts,  but sometimes, the best thing we can do for ourselves is to accept reality and do our best to work with what we can. No matter how bad it gets, life goes on, and time heals most wounds. At the end of the day, you are all you have, and the most important relationship you need to work on is the one you have with yourself and your creator. Hashem is capable of everything and anything. Every challenge we face brings us closer to Hashem. Every part of our  story is Hashem.

Have gratitude for everything, but like always don't forget to have Emunah!