Through Our Own Lens

This past Shabbat, I was at the park with a friend, and we ended up meeting a few more people. At some point, we found ourselves in a conversation with a rabbi about the idea of what’s right and wrong.

We went back and forth, each trying to explain our understanding. And at some point, I found myself saying something that felt so clear in my heart, but it was something he couldn’t fully understand or process, just like I couldn’t fully understand or process him.

And that doesn’t make either one of us wrong.

We see this everywhere. One person is more religious, more observant. Another connects differently, expresses their spirituality in another way. But who decided that one way is more correct than the other? Isn’t it just perspective? Isn’t it just the lens through which each person experiences life?

From my experience, I’ve felt the weight of people judging me for my divorce. Some saw me as incomplete, some saw weakness, some looked at me and thought less of me. And then others saw resilience, courage, and strength. But either way, that’s their lens. Not my truth. Because the truth is, this is my journey. The one Hashem gave me. The one I had to walk through, grow through, and become.

I thought about something someone told me years back. They said I wasn’t on their level. At the time, it hurt. I felt judged, misunderstood, and almost dismissed. I didn’t understand what thye meant. But today I do. Because now I find myself in situations where I feel like people aren’t on my level. Not in a superior way, but in a way where they don’t understand me, my beliefs, my growth, the way I see life, and instead of feeling frustrated, I understand something deeper, they’re not supposed to understand.

And that’s okay.

Who am I to say someone else is living their life the wrong way? Who am I to decide that their values are less than mine? Every person is living based on what they’ve seen, what they’ve been through, what they’ve learned, what they’ve healed from, or haven’t healed from yet.

There is no perfect way of life. People think there is a checklist, a timeline, a structure. But life doesn’t work like that. Yes, I choose to live a Torah life. I believe in its values, its depth, its guidance. But even within that, every person’s path is different. Every neshama has its own תיקון (tikun), its own mission, its own story.

So instead of judging, trust that Hashem is leading every person exactly on the path they are meant to be on. We can guide. But we don’t get to define someone else’s journey. We can support. But we should never make someone feel smaller just because their path looks different than ours.

Because at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to figure life out, each in our own way, each in our own time, each through our own lens.

Emunah