My friend recently asked me how do you always turn negativity into positivity and I laughed in her face. I didn't laugh on purpose but I laughed because I was never that person to be so positive. I had to work on myself for such growth. Until I put all my faith into Hashem and started learning Torah I felt dead inside.
I am often told how strong and brave I am, with all the challenges I have experienced in life but, I never felt that way. Like anyone, I kept in the dark. I would hide my vulnerabilities, the troubles in my life, my own personality, or the details of my divorce. I felt ashamed, low, and judged. But the more I spoke out, I heard people's vulnerable sides. Connected to their experience, connecting them to the right person for help. Starting a blog was part of my growth. I always kept my thoughts to myself so why not write them and share them? My blog was for me. My own personal diary. Something that would register my life as it is in reality. My pain changed me but I turned my pain into growth. Personal growth is hard. Painful, even. Emotionally, mentally, and sometimes physically. No one likes dealing with painful experiences. But, pain becomes a great war story. Our stories live on and inspire others . There is value in pain if you allow yourself to walk through it and not deny its existence.
To smile at my changed self and to feel proud of what I have survived and all that's happened to me, I feel alive. I feel like I’m free and not trapped anymore. Growth taught me the patience in becoming a single mom, taught me to love myself, and taught me one of the biggest things in my life. Torah. Its what brings me peace. I know that Hashem is always by my side no matter what. He saved me and I put all of my faith and trust into his hands. With his help, I keep growing and pushing myself to become a better person. My growth doesn’t stop here. Every day is a journey. Trust it.