So I’m going to keep this a very short blog, only because there’s really not a whole bunch to say but I’m writing because this is what's been on my mind for the last 3 weeks.
Today is day 26 of the Omer and let me tell you it’s been the hardest 26-day push ever. Let me start by telling you music is my life. Not only has it gotten me through my depression but also my happy days, sad days, and loneliness. When I hear a tune from a scene of a movie, or when I'm driving and an old song comes up, it immediately takes me back in time.
Music is my therapy. It helps me manage my daily life. Music provides comfort, it’s a universal language. The way your body can feel the rhythm and you can just dance freely like no one is watching. When I have so many emotions in my head and I can’t let it all out, music is my source of comfort. Music is everything to me. It has come so far in this world that we live in.
Last year I kept the Omer but was not so committed. I would turn on a song or two and shut it off and go on with my day. This year, WOW, what a game changer. I turned on a song because I was driving to pick up my daughter from daycare and I was so bored in the car and just wanted to listen to music. I looked at my playlist, chose a song, and played it for about 45 seconds till the guilt kicked in. While I was at a stop light I looked at the sky with all the clouds and I felt like Hashem was staring at me with such disappointment, and I had such guilt. I knew at this moment I needed to do better and I turned off the music. I picked up my phone and turned on a lecture instead and I felt so much pride in myself. Never would I have thought to say I made it this far.
Looking forward to all the dancing and music all around me, but I also can’t wait for all the growth to come.
Find your Emunah