Last couple of days in Israel we have celebrated birthdays after birthdays and it got me thinking about my thirtieth birthday coming up in a few weeks.
I know most people see this age as quite the milestone, but I’m feeling quite chill about entering my thirties. At this stage in my life, I feel more sure of myself than I have before. I still feel lost some days, but I’m more clear on what matters to me now.
When I was in my early twenties, every day felt like a battle to figure out what I was going to do with my life. My twenties I was still figuring out life and felt so confused. I spent most of my 20s exploring my inner world, my creativity. Those were intense years for me. Getting married, having my first child when I was 20 then 22, divorced, becoming observant, getting remarried, having another baby to get divorced again and really having to learn about myself. The same thoughts then replayed in my mind: What’s my purpose?
I’ve heard that your thirties bring more certainty. Perhaps it’s not so much certainty, but the feeling of being less concerned with what other people think about me and just staying focused on my goals, myself, my family and my personal growth is just enough for me. At the end of the day I am my biggest battle, my best friend and my worst enemy. There’s no one we spend more time with than ourselves. As we grow older, we know ourselves more simply because we’re growing up alongside ourselves. The longer our neshemas spend inside our bodies and minds, the more we learn about who we are and what we want. We have to spiritually connect as one.
In my thirties, I hope to strive to be a better mom, take on more religion, connect with Hahsem, learn to ride the waves and not take any type of abuse from anyone, especially verbal. Verbal abuse chips away at how you feel about yourself, how you see yourself and it can impact you mentally.
I wish I could tell the younger me and to everyone else that you won’t feel lost forever. All the hard work will pay off.
Thirty is my year