12 Mar
Difference between love and in love

Love is the biggest risk you can ever take. You literally put your life, and your heart in someone else’s hands and give them the chance to either make or break you.  Your whole world revolves around the one you love. Their pain is your pain. Their joy is your joy. The more your love grows for that person, the more you realize you would do anything for their happiness. 

In today's day, many people don't know the difference between “I’m in love with you” and “I love you.” It’s very easy to believe that they are both the same. But while the passion may feel just about the same, the intentions are very different. 

So what does loving someone mean and being in love?

 Ownership Vs. Partnership

Loving someone may come with a strong sense of ownership and control over that person. You don't have enough trust for one another and are always questioning their every move. 

However, when you are in love you allow yourself to set the right boundaries with one another and feel more like a partnership. Since your relationship is filled with trust you do not feel insecure, you’re comfortable around one another. You both make each other feel like you’re in a safe place. You know you can trust them with your secrets. You can tell them anything that is on your mind and you don’t have to hide your real self because they would never judge you. They love you for who you are.

Changes Vs. Acceptances

When you are in love with your partner, you are willing to overlook all of their annoying habits while you can still learn to accept your partner. You are both willing to work on your flaws to some extent. You will put effort into changing. After all, you want to give them the best version of yourself. You want to rise to their expectations, whether that means working on breaking bad habits or seeing a therapist, you’ll do whatever you need to do to make this person happy. That is why it is important to talk about what bothers you, to keep your relationship going strong

To love someone means to genuinely care about them. It involves loving the good and the bad within a person. But, you do not necessarily have to accept the bad or negative traits of your partner. Making a change or listening to how your partner feels doesn’t make a difference to you.  

 Being Together Vs. Going Your Way

When you’re in love with your partner, you look forward to spending more time with each other. You make an effort to manage your daily tasks and spend the rest of the either studying together, watching movies together, or simply just talking to one another. When you’re in love, regardless of what they are facing you aren’t going to run away when things get hard. Instead you want to be there for them, through good times and bad.  

When you love your partner you want to make them laugh. You want to experience fun, exciting moments together. You try your hardest to make a good first impression, even if that means acting fake and telling little white lies.  But you can also go on about focusing on being your own person and prefer to live a largely separate life. You love when it is convenient for you. You may feel like doing activities that only you like without thinking of your partner. Their hard days won't necessarily be yours. Their pain and challenges are not yours to accept and its shown.  

Steady Feelings Vs. On and off

 When you're in love you have a constant feeling for each other. Your feelings do not change based on what your partner says or does. For instance, if you had a bad day or disliked something they said, it does not mean that you start arguing, or talk about leaving. Rather, you tend to act with patient toward them.

 But, simply love is an emotional rollercoaster. Since it is more energetic and spontaneous, you may feel like you like your partner one moment and dislike them the next. Love that is fueled only by romantic feelings will prevent you from understanding and trusting your partner.  

The most wonderful difference between loving someone and being in love is how comfortable you feel together. You will only grow stronger.  It’s safe to say, neither of you are going anywhere. If there’s a problem, you’ll take the steps to fix it, you’ll work as a team, grow and build your foundation together as partners, not as enemies. 

Love isn’t just words put together, it's one's actions. Actions speak louder than words.  

May Hashem help us find the right zivug at the right time. Someone who is true and worthy. May they be Torah scholars, honest, and G-d fearing. Humble and modest rather than hot-tempered.


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